Being Present and Building Meaningful Connections

November 22, 2024

In an age of constant notifications and digital distractions, staying present has become more challenging than ever. For Czoe Smith, a licensed clinical social worker with Memorial Hermann Behavioral Health Services, being present isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential. Smith offers practical insights on why being fully engaged in each moment can lead to more fulfilling relationships, a stronger sense of self and improved mental well-being.

Why Being Present Matters

You know when someone is present with you versus when they’re just sharing the same physical space. Being present means devoting your entire focus and attention to a conversation or singular task and avoiding distractions. When a person is present, they are wholly tuned to the moment—body, mind and soul—with no desire to be somewhere else.

According to Smith, being present allows you to experience life fully and create lasting memories. “When you’re present in a moment, you enjoy what’s right in front of you,” she explained. These moments can include having a conversation with a dear friend, playing with a young child or even focusing on yourself through a creative endeavor. This type of mindfulness has a host of benefits: It improves relationships, enhances mental health and boosts overall well-being.

When you’re fully engaged with friends, family or neighbors, you’re building connections that foster trust and intimacy. “Being present means you’re in the room, feeling the emotions, sharing a hug and making memories,” Smith noted. “It’s different from just texting to check in.”

The Challenges of Being Present in a World of Distractions

Unfortunately, being present is becoming more challenging as time goes on. This is due to the ever-increasing digital distractions that come with a constantly connected society. Alerts and notifications continuously emit their dings from smartphones—couple this with social media addiction and doom scrolling, it’s clear why it has become so difficult to devote undivided attention to your work, friendships and even your inner self.

By constantly reaching for your phone, scrolling through social media or diving into mobile games, you are opting to avoid difficult feelings rather than face them. This lack of presence with your inner self can particularly hinder the ability to cope effectively with challenges because it can lead to unprocessed emotions and unresolved issues.

Furthermore, even though you may have hundreds of “friends” on social media, Smith observes that real-life connections are often what people miss most about living in today’s digital age. “We want genuine connection, but we’re connecting with distractions instead of the people around us,” she said. “Distractions keep us from feeling our emotions, which is an essential part of a healthy process for good mental health.”

One of the most detrimental of all distractions is FOMO—the fear of missing out. FOMO can put you on edge, making you always think or act like something better is around the corner. As a function of a hyperconnected world, FOMO can fuel anxiety and depression and keep you tethered to your smartphones. When was the last time you left your phone while you went for a walk or started some household chores?

The level of digital distraction you experience daily can be overwhelming, but you must find a way to overcome it if you ever hope to cultivate your true presence of self.

Reducing Distractions for Better Mental Health

Instead of worrying about missing out, Smith encourages focusing on the life you’re building for yourself. “You don’t miss out when you’re present,” she said. “You’re creating a legacy through the connections and memories you build in each moment.” Smith has a few practical tips to eliminate daily distractions to help you be more present:

• Set App Limits: Both iPhone and Android devices allow users to limit app usage. If you know you don’t want to spend more than 30 minutes a day on social media, set a limit to avoid thoughtless scrolling.
• Eliminate Unnecessary Alerts and Notifications: While you certainly may want text alerts when family members or friends sends a text, your smartphones are often overrun with dings, rings and chirps that create needless distractions. Take time to go through the notifications you’ve enabled on your phone and eliminate any of the superfluous ones. Keep in mind the distinction between necessary and not. And, if you really want to be present at specific moments of the day, you can go all in and silence alerts completely.
• Start the Day Disconnected: “Don’t wake up and immediately start scrolling,” Smith warned. Instead, she advises that you set an old-school alarm clock that requires you to get out of bed to turn off. Once up, spend the first 15 minutes of your day with intention. Just as you have a bedtime routine, implement a morning routine that does not require you to check your phone.
• Journal Your Thoughts: Journaling regulates your mind and body by releasing some of the stress and pressure you encounter throughout the day. The act of writing slows your mind, forcing it to experience your feelings and better connect with yourself and your thoughts.
• Take Social Media Breaks: A social media cleanse, even for one day, can be refreshing. Challenge yourself to go 24 hours without opening these apps. This kind of break can help you reconnect with yourself and the world around you; there is no digital noise to take you out of the present.
• Prioritize Time Outdoors: Make time to be outdoors, whether with your pet, your kids or alone, to enjoy some fresh air and natural light. A short morning or evening walk does wonders for decompression and reflection. “Spending time outside in the sun helps boost your vitamin D, which in turn impacts your mental health,” Smith said.
• Schedule Time to Be with Yourself: Whether it is blocking off a 15-minute journaling session, daily walk or meditation session, get it scheduled. “If it’s not on my calendar, I’m not going to do it. So, I put it down in writing,” Smith explained. Some may think scheduling time for yourself makes it less genuine, but don’t succumb to that perspective. Time is time.
• Don’t Neglect Your Bedtime Routine: Not only is it important to get enough sleep to restore your mind and body, but Smith says that how you spend the time leading up to bed is equally important. Create a routine to prepare you for dreamland, and make sure that checking social media isn’t on the list. “We all know how easy it is to get stuck in a social media scroll, which can easily keep you up later than you planned,” Smith said. “But it’s important to remember that what you’re consuming will stay in your mind as you drift off to sleep. You remember what you scroll.”

Smith also emphasizes the importance of accountability. "Whatever you do for yourself has a ripple effect on those around you," she explained.

Partnering with a friend or family member to build healthy habits can help keep you both on track. This creates a sense of community on the journey and can strengthen your resolve to make lasting changes.

Finding Peace by Being Present

All these tips are helpful but they may also be overwhelming as you plot your journey to becoming more present. Smith advises that you start with just one small thing a week rather than making drastic changes all at once. These gradual adjustments—like limiting social media one week and then scheduling time to journal each day the next—can help you build habits that support mindfulness and presence over time.

Making a habit of mindfulness and presence is a journey, not a destination. “It starts off hard, but one change can make room for a lot of other changes,” Smith said.

Even small wins, such as focusing on in-person connections and refraining from taking your phone our while you wait for your coffee order, can lead to a more fulfilling life.

In the end, Smith encourages us to remember the importance of simplicity: “One heartbeat, one breath, one moment at a time.”

By committing to small, intentional changes, you can cultivate a life rich in connection, presence and personal growth that is free from the fear of missing out and full of memories made in the here and now.